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Thu, May. 20th, 2004, 10:31 pm
shiru_chan: Akamaru AND YOU

I wrote this a while ago but I figured it belongs here. Enjoy.

YOU are a teenage girl with a sad sad life. Nobody understands you and nobody loves you. Poor little you. You are the only one with problems in the whole world. All you have is your awesome radical Naruto manga because your life is so sad and you have no spine. Even though you are suicidal and depressed and tragical you never think of maybe getting some help. Instead you like to lay around at home and write stupid fanfics and imagine that your fave hottie bishy wishy talked to you. Of course every day you talk to your picture of your dream Naruto hottie and you faithfully love him.

Then one day a magical special bright beam of light hits you. No, it isn't intelligence, it is something you could appreciate. OMG! You are being sucked into the NARUTO WORLD!!!!

You fall from the sky and crash through many leafy trees! Ouch! There are throrns and prickles and they hurt. Down, down, down you fall, going down faster than Iruka does on Kakashi... until....

THUMP. You land right on your face, in the middle of a training ground.

"Whoa shit!" you hear a boy shout.

"Oh dear. A-are you -o-o-okay?"


You roll over and wipe your face, spitting the dirt out of your mouth. Hyuuga Hinata is standing over you, along with her teammates. Inuzuka Kiba is peering over Hinata's shoulder at you, and Aburame Shino is behind him, looking rather disinterested in you.

"Oh good," Hinata says, shyly. "You seem to be all right."

"I think I am," you say. "But-- how do I get home from here?"

Shino quirks and eyebrow. "Home?"

"Man," Kiba laughs. "Look at her stupid clothes!! Think she's from Sound?"

You look down at your ultra-cool ProWings shoes with Velcro straps, your Cherokee jeans from Target, your striped blue and pink socks your Aunt Kathy bought you last Christmas, your black silky panties which kind of give you a funny rash, your matching black baby tee with the three-quarter puffed (not shirred) sleeves and the carnation pink ribbon criss-cross trim at the neckline, the sweater you wear over that which is pink with a slight tint of greyish color to it, whcih has pink pearlized buttons shaped like hearts and is a brand which you can't quite recall the name because you got it at a thrift store at half off during your last trip there, it was a cool find and you do enjoy a good unique piece of fashion...

"Hello?" Kiba waves his scruffy hand in front of you. "Crap. I think she spaced out!"

.....your silver necklace with the filigree heart design that looks like roses on a trellis, the jeweled clips in your long rich brown-- I mean, purple, sparkly purple with streaks of silver-- hair, and your gorgeous big violet eyes (they're not contacts!!! omg stop saying that. They're REAL OK?). Maybe you DO look strange to them after all!

"If she is a Sound ninja," Shino says quietly, "We should probably kill her now."

OH NO! But wait, suddenly.... suddenly footsteps approach, and you look up with tears of joy in your eyes as you see your love, the love of your life, your soul mate, the one the only,

"AKAMARU!" you cry out, sobbing with happiness.

The small handsome doggie bounds across the meadow towards your waiting arms. His pale brown fur glistens in the morning light. His lean muscles ripple with his virile movements. His eyes shine, only for you. Sparkles and bubbles fly. Of course Akamaru falls instantly in love with you. You love him too.

Team 8 can't kill you now, because they are too busy vomiting.

Akamaru licks your hands and face happily. "Aroo, roo!" he says, wagging his tail. His wet nose is cold against your peachy skin. His fevered kisses are hot and smell of Kibbles N' Bits.

"Oh, Akamaru-chan-chan-koi-loveykins!" you squeal. You are so lucky.

Akamaru, your new love-love-chan, takes you out for a night filled with his favorite activites. You chase cats and butterflies, pee on things, sniff a few trees. For dinner he takes you to his favorite place to eat, digging through garbage cans for tasty morsels. Afterwards you watch admiringly as he drinks from a toilet. This is like a dream come true. Akamaru is sharing his life and secrets with you, and only you. You have finally found someone with whom you feel intellectually and emotionally equal. Akamaru isn't just a puppy. He is a puppy who thinks you are wonderful.

Now your romantic date is over and it is clear what is on Akamaru's mind, as his nose finds its way to your crotch.

"Oh my, you naughty little dog," you coyly say, blushing demurely. "Whatever are you doing?"

"Aroo roo roo. Grrrrrowr." Akamaru licks your face and eagerly leads you back to his place.

You find yourself sprawled helplessly at the foot of Kiba's bed. Kiba doesn't seem too happy about this but Akamaru silences him with a bark. It is apparent the dog is ready to get his pimp on, doggy style. Akamaru looks deep into your eyes with his soulful gaze. He sniffs your crotch again, pawing your shirt with his front paws.

"Akamaru, you ANIMAL," you laugh. "How do you want it, baby?"

Akamaru grins a sexy grin and replies,